Yesterday marked exactly 5 years since I got on that plane to begin a whole new life as a working girl. Has this been an easy journey, no but I am grateful for all the lessons I have learnt, so we will talk about these lessons because I want to….

Lesson number 1, you can never please anyone. Yeah this is something I always knew but never believed until I started working. I remember when I started working, I was a good kid, paid black tax religiously to the extent that I was always broke. I could not afford anything else beside Mc Donald’s, I was the one working and yet I could not afford to even get my hair done on a regular like the people I was taking care of. This was not enough and people still did not appreciate my efforts. I mentioned to my family just yesterday that I was celebrating my 5th working anniversary and they had the nerve to ask me what I had achieved so far. In my mind I was there thinking dumb asses I have managed to put food on your table but y’all cant see that. So yeah I am the fool for caring and am a fool for not so I might as well just do what makes me happy.

Lesson number 2, racism is real. I remember the bimbo who came to pick me up from HR the first day I arrived at work speaking to me slowly until she finally asked me if I could speak English. I am the queen of eye roll, and she did get that from me, by the time we arrived at our department my then boss asked me why I did not sound like all the other Africans. Imagine the disrespect, he went on to say he had worked with other Zimbabweans and they had a thick accent but I sounded nothing like that, well up to now I am glad I never gave him the answer I wanted to because I wouldn’t be here celebrating this moment lol. I remember the people I joined the company with, most of us were inexperienced and the few that were left as soon as the opportunity came. Everyone that was not black got promoted and us the darkies were not, I remember when I was a bartender they needed to select a Head bartender and for 2 whole years they could not because I was the one perfect for the job but I was a girl and it was not fair on the guys who were not of African descendent. They tried to have me fired but failed and the day I moved to another property the guy they had always wanted to promote got his promotion and failed an integrity test which got him fired a few weeks after. Was I happy, I would be lying if I say I didn’t do my happy dance more than once and every time my former team mates texted me and told me how much they missed me was the cherry on top my ego needed. The struggle is still going on, I am a black woman, I always have to prove myself all the time, which is okay because the world owes me nothing at the end of the day.

Lesson number 3, don’t get too comfortable. When I started working, I was a waitress, the floor was my stage I enjoyed dressing up and looking good for the guests and I enjoyed the attention. I was 22 and I thought time was on my side. I wont lie, I had a love-hate relationship with my job and it paid the bills. I forgot I had dreams of my own and became content with the service lifestyle, it took me almost 3 years to realize that I had settled and had stopped looking for ways to get out of this stepping stone. This place has so many opportunities and I had refused some of them because of the “job security” my company offered. I know I am a lazy person so many a times I am always regretting why I did not learn something earlier but the good thing is I am a fast learner.

Lesson number 4, live a little while you still can. Money is never enough and with that being said, go on and buy that bag you’ve always wanted. Tomorrow is never guaranteed and once you die some nobodies are going to misuse all that money you worked hard for, learn to spoil yourself. A few weeks ago I had Dunkin Donuts for the first time and I had never bought them because I was afraid I did not have extra cash for all that. This wisdom just recently knocked on my door so I am still trying out all the things I always wanted but could not.

Lesson number 5, its just a job. Ndogara ndichiti haisi kamba yekumba kwedu saka ndoshanda zvoenderana nemari yandotambira. Due to current situation, terms like redundant staff came to haunt a lot of people imagine if you had devoted all your life into your job and they tell you to go. Yeah you my friend are replaceable and faster than you can say Jack Robinson, glad our county has taught us to be entrepreneurs so we are at an advantage I think, but never forget its just a job.

In a nutshell put yourself first hunnay because no one out there is looking out for you.

So the reason I have been MIA is because I have been busy trying to lose weight. A few weeks ago as I was trying to sit down on my desk and start on with my day I broke my chair, well it was just the wheel. In my defense these chairs are old we have been complaining about them for almost a year now and still nothing has been done yet. I called the Engineering guy to come look at it and unfortunately he didn’t have any wheels to replace it.

As I was going downstairs I met his boss and he said the chair broke because I was too fat. Harsh but true I had put on a few kilos and with the Pandemic I haven’t been able to move around as much. So I immediately called my sister in law to vent about all this and she said join me on my morning walks. Yeah so we’ve been at it for a month now, we wake up before 4am and walk for almost 9,5km depending on which vending machine has water.

9km is not a joke especially when you are carrying dumbbells so we decided we will carry some cash and as soon as we get to the other side of the corniche we will buy water and fuel up for the walk back. Good our plan was going on very well although sometimes we found the machines empty and we complain about this all the way back to our starting point until we get to our water bottles we don’t like carrying.

Last week as we got to our starting point we realized that we did not have loose change so my sister in law said lets just go I have a plan. I guess I have grown to trust her so much I did not ask her what the plan was so we went. As we about to reach the end of the corniche she spotted one Security guy and she walked up to him and asked for 2 bucks. The guy looked really surprised but because he was also African and nice he took out his wallet and gave us 3 bucks. We insisted we only needed 2 and ended up telling him it was for the water.

To a lot of people 2 bucks could be nothing but its money that can buy you a meal, in an actual shop you can buy 4 bottles of water with that. Add another 2 and you can buy a whole gallon. I was shocked that someone was willing to spare his money for strangers so we decided we would pay him back his money.

The following day we looked for him and we couldn’t find him, the day after we failed to get to the other side because my lovely niece who tagged along was not having it. On the 3rd day we finally found him and we tried to pay him back and he refused, he said he was just helping us but we kept on insisting and he finally took it. He then said to us the next time he is on duty and he sees us he will use this money to buy us water, we agreed although now we try to dodge him lol.

I was surprised by this type of kindness I have never had someone give me money and not want it back, good people exist after all.

My husband recently posted a picture of us on his page and guess what the “Go on and have kids already police” stormed the comment section. I was the first to see the comment because Bae was sleeping, so I typed in a response and figured it was rude and I didn’t send it.

When Bae woke up I decided to tell him how I felt about her comments and he said I didn’t know her cousin and she was joking and I was taking everything in a malicious way. In my head I was just like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Good he pointed out that I didn’t know her which means she doesn’t know me too so what gives her the right to say such.

I was not about to let this girl go on disrespecting me so i replied to her and said “I am recovering from second miscarriage and will continue trying just for you :-),” but girl didn’t get it, instead she replied and started talking about her own miscarriages. A follow request was sent and I had just posted my favorite meme and am glad she saw it so she sent a message.

In her message she was just trying to justify her actions and she went on to tell me how I was strong and beautiful, like girl I don’t need validation especially from you. Because she went through the same thing she feels its okay to say that and she put a lot of exclamation marks in the message.

Some might say I need to let this go because she doesn’t know that I find it inappropriate but this is a whole adult. My 7 year old niece on the same day asked me why I didn’t have kids and I didn’t take it personal because she is 7 and as soon as I answered her question I told her not to ask people such because its not nice.

This lady on the other hand is an adult and to make matters worse she works in the medical fraternity, she claims she has gone through it herself so how come she feels its okay to say such especially to a person she has never even said “hi'” to??

Right now we are busy fighting a pandemic, dealing with human rights violations and my uterus and its capabilities should be the least of everyone’s worries. Considering we live in different continents I don’t understand how me having or not having a child affects her.

Maybe I am going crazy but is it appropriate to tell people to have kids?

A few years ago I was busy minding my own business when one of my housemates asked me to escort him to our local shops, since I was not doing anything I said why not. We were walking down the street making noise as was our norm and I noticed a car I knew, so because this was the last place I would ever imagine I would bump into this person I told myself it was not him. As I got closer I realized it was him alright and he had a female friend inside the car and although she looked like his wife it was not her. The moment he noticed me he switched on the lights so we could not see them but it was too late, I had seen him. We walked past the car and we went to our business and by the time we got back the car was gone.

I got home and I texted my mom to tell her what I had just witnessed and she told me to mind my own business and leave this alone. As the good girl I was at that time I listened to mama and we never spoke of it again. This guy every time we would meet he would really avoid being alone with me, but soon after this incident we were forced to see each other more than we would have liked. I said nothing to his wife and we always pretended like this never happened.

Fast forward to almost 7 years after this incident I got a friend request on Facebook from this guy, I accepted it because to me he was like family so I didn’t see anything wrong with that although I hardly accept friend requests from married men. As soon as I accepted this request I got a, ‘wave’ and I waved back so he quickly shut the greetings and went straight to his point. He said he was coming to Zimbabwe that very same weekend and wanted to take me out for a drink. I immediately ghosted him and that was the last day I spoke to him.

Why did I ghost him, whenever we would meet up the wife was always the one who would invite me not him and for all I know I could have been talking to the wife and she was pretending to be her husband. A part of me wanted to text the wife and ask her if she was coming to Zimbabwe so I can just put it out there that her husband had invited me for a drink but I decided not to and like the first time I kept quiet.

Now they seem very happy with each other, had I opened my mouth I could have ruined this or it would have backfired maybe they have an open marriage. We will never know hey but i did try to be my sister’s keeper the Zimbabwean way lol.

Hi my name is Rava and I don’t know how to break up with my sisters and friends partners, some of these relationships are even older than my own marriage.

As I was going through my Facebook this morning I saw a message pop up and really I was surprised, I hardly talk to people on messenger and the last person I spoke to there was my brother who wasn’t happy about something so I didn’t expect him to reply there. Lo and behold it was my sister’s ex who was checking up on me to see if I was okay. This ex we realized that we were related by marriage so it easily transitioned to a Sekuru and muzukuru relationship.Just so we clear every now and then he does text and he asks about the family and never my sister lol I guess she is part of the family.

Just last year I got a random message from my other sister’s ex asking me how she was and he was trying to pull a fast one on me so I could give him her number and yet he is married. Thank God I figured it out before I helped him ruin another woman. This always happens with this sister’s exes, they know I know that they are married but they always think I will be willing to help them cheat on their wives, I should be worried come to think of it.

There is one particular ex of my sister I cannot break up with because he once bought me some Britney Spears make up kit for my birthday. I have been seeing him popping up on my timeline and I am just thinking if my sister and him were still together by now my birthday presents would have upgraded to weekend getaways gegege. Luckily for me he never talks to me he only invites me to like his pages and support his hustle which is not so bad, I would do it for him because before he decided to go on and date my sister he was a friend.

The worst ones are my male friends exes, yoh some of these girls even claim I am their “besty” which is a bit weird because they knew me because I was their ex’s friend and while they were dating I was always the enemy and if only they knew they would have loved me. Now that they’re done they realize that I was not the bad guy, it was my idiot friend 😂.

I remember one day when we were in Uni and my friends started ganging up on me about how I needed to break up with their exes and I really tried. I always felt bad about how things ended and felt like I owed them something (see me trying to be a fixer.)

I want to break up with all these people I’ve mentioned and many others but I can’t seem to😞😞😞😞

A few days back my husband posted a picture of us and one of his relatives said, “go on and have kids already.” I was really pissed off because first of all we have never invited them to our family planning meetings and I personally think this is a very inconsiderate statement to make because you never know what people are going through.

A few months before I got married, I was having problems with my lower back and abdomen so I went to the doctor and had some tests done and when the results came they told me I had an endometriotic cyst and I needed to get it removed asap and apparently if it was not I would have problems having kids. I was like okay that’s cool, I informed my family and my moms were so worried that they even started saving up for this surgery which by the way I had not yet decided I wanted to undergo. After careful consideration I convinced my husband I did not need the surgery because one of the Gynaecologists’ I had seen had told me not to worry about it and if I took the pills she gave me it could disappear. I did not take the pills, they made me dizzy and I was not about that life.

A few months later I went back to the hospital to go check on my friend to see whether she was growing or what, after the ultrasound the doctor informed me that I had a fibroid, mxxxm I was really mad and she referred me to the specialty hospital. I only got an appointment I think after 2 months and when I went there, during the ultrasound the lady started panicking and trust me I could feel it. I started panicking too, she went out to look for a senior person and she showed her what she was seeing and then the senior left. After some time the lady asked me why I needed an ultrasound and I told her about the fibroid and she said okay. I asked her if there was anything wrong and she said my doctor will tell me, panic mode was activated and I had to tell the husband and my husband will never respond the way you want him to, after this call I was pissed.

My appointment day finally came and I went to the doctor, I was afraid and had mentally prepared myself for the worst. I am usually late for these things but on this particular day I was on time. I went in to the see the doctor and he told me that he could not see anything, I was so okay that if I wanted I could start having kids. I was so relieved but my lower back pain was still there and he referred me to another department, my uterus was okay 😊.

I went back to see a different specialist because the initial problem was not solved and they told me I had another problem, so although my uterus is okay i still have a “condition.” Imagine if I was trying and someone said this, how would I feel? What if I do not want to have kids? Let us be mindful of the things we say, people are fighting battles unknown to us.

I remember when Covid-19 started, almost everyone I know was either working form home and those that were not were staying at home. I was green with envy I really wanted to work from home. I have all these things I have always wanted to do and I never got the chance to do them. I wanted to go to bed late and wake up late, I wanted to be stuck in my house because I love it. I love being at home and doing things in my house.

The new normal requires one to get their temperature checked before they get into any building, so this was me on a Sunday morning getting my temperature checked and it was way too high the security guy told me to go and tell HR this. I did that and was told to go home asap, and as the responsible citizen I am I went home and began self-isolating. Alas my wish came true.

The first day went by so fast, before I even knew it I was already making dinner. The next day my company made plans to have me work from home, okay I didn’t know where to start so I decided to start the next day, what can I say procrastination is funnnn. The following day I woke up early, took a shower and was ready and I contacted the IT guy who told me he was busy so he would connect my system as soon as he was done. I didn’t have a problem with that, I watched my husband work the whole day while I was catching up on Netflix. I finally started working on day 4, imagine 4 days gone and no one died, my job is not that essential after all.

I finally started working on day 4, not sure if it’s because business is slow or my job is not that demanding, I finished my daily tasks early and cleaned the house. My house was clean, if I had any “style” am sure I could have made it look like one of those classy homes. My husband sort of got tired of this new me lol, I didn’t want shoes left anywhere, we even had a mini family meeting about putting back things where the belong and 50% of the attendees were not happy.

I enjoyed working from home and I am at a point where I have started looking for jobs that allow me to work from home, so if you know any please do share. Why I enjoyed this was, I could keep my house clean all the time, I managed to exercise every now and then and I cooked my heart out. I started experimenting with things I had never eaten before and I fell in love with Orange juice.

Now things are slowly starting to get back to where they were and I am not going to lie, I am going to miss the lock down. I am already missing it, the 5 minutes ride to work is now 15 or more depending on traffic. The shops are now always full, and soon we will be dealing with weird complaints.

Two years ago I went to one company for a meeting, as I got to the company the reception area was empty, so I sat at the reception and waited for assistance. I waited and waited and no one came so I decided to proceed to the offices, and I did make an entrance because they all looked at me and the guy I had gone to see came rushing to me. We had our meeting and as I was about to leave one lady approached me and asked me where I was from.

I told her I was from Zimbabwe and I did something I have never done ever since I came to Doha, I asked for her number and she agreed. We started communicating and we finally agreed to go on our “first date,” it was fun, you know how refreshing it is to have a conversation with another female that does not involve gossip. Time went by so fast and so did our bottle of wine, we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways.

We did stay in touch, she kept asking if we could hang out but most of the time I could not because hanging out is not so cheap, so I invited her over and I cooked for her. She did say that was one of the best home made burgers and wings she had :-). Our friendship was growing and my husband would make fun of how I was warming up to having female friends.

Then she dropped a bomb on me, she said she was leaving and I was really hurt. I thought we had a good thing, and now she wanted to leave me. My girl left and she was reunited with her man. We kept in touch, she made the effort I on the other hand have this out of sight out of mind mentality, if it were not for the smartphones and forever telling us when people change their numbers I wouldn’t have her number.

My girls had accomplished all she wanted in life and now what she wanted was the ring, she would text me every now and ask me how I got my ring after a year of dating and to be honest I never had an answer. She couldn’t wait to get the ring. My girl finally got the ring and I was one of the first people she told this good news. I was so happy because she got what she always wanted and she did find time to share this good news with me. Now I know where I stand in this relationship and will work on it.

I am a simple girl, my favorite food includes KFC chicken and Hawaiian twister, chips, burgers, eggs and mustard greens. A few years ago I attended a function and this is where I met my husband and his parents for the first time.

It was a bring and share kind of event so my future mother in-law brought some scotch eggs. Everyone was bringing traditional food that at one point I thought I was going to have to eat something I don’t like or cook something else because everything there was not my cup of tea.

Since I was part of the people that were cooking it’s customary that you have to wait for everyone else to take some food before you can, so I was praying that no one would touch my eggs 🤣🤣🤣 and because it was fate no one did.

Scotch eggs consist of two of my favorite things, eggs and burger meat so I knew I was going to like them. When I took my first bite I was blown away, that scotch eggs was amazing. My mother in-law is a pro in the kitchen! I fell in love with her food, the way to my heart apparently is through my stomach. Love at first bite ☺️☺️☺️

I hope by the time this comes out people would have calmed down. Just a disclaimer me saying all this does not mean I lack empathy and to be honest I wouldn’t know how they feel because I have never been in this situation.

Personally I don’t follow a lot of these groups for my personal reasons and had it been anybody else I wouldn’t have followed the story, but because this guy was my neighbor and some of my sisters were big fans so I was curious. Contrary to what my husband believes, I do know a lot of “prominent” people, and there are certain sides to these people that I know that the public might not know. For example Spencer I don’t remember ever seeing him with girls, then again I wasn’t very fond of him so I didn’t pay attention to him.

Back to Tilder, I saw the live she did and explaining how she was getting backlash from people. She played the audios and played her response which in my opinion made sense. From what I understood from the “spokesperson” they wanted Spencer to apologize and to be honest there is no amount of apology that can erase the alleged crimes. If it was an apology that they wanted it is said that he went and apologized privately to these victims, which according to the audio it is what they wanted but they didn’t want it in the words of Dr. Amai Mugabe “pachena takahwanda.” Okay fine what did they want Tilder to do? Force him to apologize in the group? Then what? Tilder is just a journalist not a law enforcer and as it stands all these are allegations. Tilder works for the national broadcaster and this guy used to be her colleague and its not his first time involved in scandals what if people at ZBC were made to sign an NDA?

I think by now as Zimbabweans we should know that cases cannot be solved on social media, look at all the past cases people have made noise about and they all died a natural death. Criminals are roaming free and people have moved on to the next interesting thing. I am not a lawyer but weren’t the victims supposed to keep their cards on the chest so when this guy is brought to justice he wont have tempered with the evidence? I believe he now knows all the victims and he can do whatever he wants.

Spencer has been given ammunition and Tilder is being castigated for telling the people to bring this person to justice. I hope one day we will all understand that Tilder was not the enemy here but was trying to help the best way she can.